


Days To Come (Eternity Bond)

by DrowningLetters



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Making Up, Mpreg, Post Mpreg, also jungwoo will be briefly mentioned here, jaehyun is a good daddy i promise, jeno is a toddler here, not as angsty as the tags make it i swear, shotaro as well, the rating might change, will eventually add more characters as the story goes on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:35:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27978198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrowningLetters/pseuds/DrowningLetters
Summary: Kim Doyoung's life consists of two things - having a job and raising a four-year-old toddler, Jeno.Enter Jung Jaehyun, Doyoung's ex, and Jeno's father.Chaos ensues. Or maybe not!?...Summary sucks. Promise the story itself is better.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Nakamoto Yuta, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Jungwoo, Kim Jungwoo/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 22
Kudos: 239





	1. I.

**Author's Note:**

> The summary is awful, and so am I. I haven't finished my first fic which is nearing the end, and yet here it is - a second one in making. The audacity I have.
> 
> Jk, I just wanted to post this one while I have will and inspiration. If I didn't, my mind would easily forget it.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it, I mean... the first chapters are true ice-breakers. This one barely cracks the ice tbh.

The morning was as old as the coffee on Doyoung's desk. He tapped it's murky surface to break the thickening skin and watched the new gap grow. The frigid brown drink dripped from his finger, the ripples spreading toward the rim in ever-larger circles. 

Doyoung seems to know he's spoilt, so used to the finest beans, always freshly brewed and served with half-and-half. He still craves a subtle undertone of hazelnut and his cup to be a festive color with cardboard around it to protect his fingers from the heat. Instead, it is this instant muck, served warm in polystyrene - depression served without a smile. 

It suits this place though, it matches the beige walls and the melamine desks, it's as welcoming as the unguarded strip lights and the worn blue carpet. The only thing alive in here is the ticking clock, Doyoung believes firmly the rest of them, almighty co-workers died some time ago.

"Morning, Doyoung-ah. Ain't enthusiastic about coffee, I see?"

The odd thing about Chittaphon, or better known by the nickname he goes with - Ten, is that no matter how depressing surrounding is he finds a way to scatter these grey clouds hanging about anyone's head as his voice goes an octave higher than it should be in general. Annoying, but still Doyoung prefers his presence over mulling zombies dragging their feet against the ground, spinning in a circle all days from one office to another. Life is boring when you resolve to become a marketing analyst. 

Ten would make sure to voice it out every day. ' _It's so boring, I should've been more ambitious in becoming a musician, to be honest. Instead, I'm cluttered with all these boring researches and graphs to explore. I'm too beautiful to be hidden from the mass._ ', goes along with an exasperated sigh as they both moan over all the work that for some strange reason keeps increasing within each hour as they approach the end of the day. 

In conclusion, every day is a reincarnation of the previous day - same complaints, the same amount of work, same faces, same people gossiping around, same irking laughs, the same routine of the days, and on and on and on. This was definitely far from how Doyoung imagined to end up eventually after graduating.

Five years ago, Doyoung graduated with a firm determination of becoming something and someone, but a bump - literally a bump - ahead the road he was driving on came unexpectedly, creating slight, actually big changes of circumstances in his life when a black-white sheet folded in his hands confirms what he's been fearing to see. _Positive result on pregnancy test_.

Doyoung had given birth to a now four-year-old toddler named Jeno. 

When having a child on your back ( _and Doyoung would never complain about his little bundle of joy, God forbid_ ), things become quite harder in your life. Tempo for improvement and development decreases drastically, your goals are put on a hold at the moment as you try to balance between work and heating baby bottles it really makes you eventually realize how limitless are the limits of being pushed to the edge where you finally snap and lose it, but Doyoung never did.

Even when he thought he did, he didn't. With Jeno's birth occurred struggles, lots of struggles - financial ones especially as Doyoung declined to have any bigger help from his family, and God bless them - they really did all in their might to support him. He simply couldn't accept the shame coming along with cognition of being financially supported by your parents after everything so Doyoung decides to apply for the job a year after Jeno's birth. Three years and ongoing makes him snort subtly. All annual parties are boring and cringe-worthy. And so is their boss, a middle-aged, balded midget who speaks as if paying wages even politicians would dream of.

So, he hums right now to whatever Ten blabbers at this point and keeps typing data into the system before his attention is taken by a light knock against the glass door.

"Mind if I interrupt you guys?"

Kun, another co-worker Doyoung finds bearable strolls into the office with papers neatly stacked in one of his hands attempting to balance himself firmly against the carpeted floor. 

"Sorry guys, I'm coming from the meeting. I have these files to deliver to you. I am so done with this day, to be honest."

Ten immediately snorts loud enough to resonate against the walls of the office and speaks.

"Oh my God, is there the end to this day? More files, good God!"

Empathetically, Kun nods to Ten's complaints before shifting attention to Doyoung.

"I'm really sorry, I know you're basically over-packed with the work lately but the job cannot be done without the two of you. It's a key step to finalizing researches. I hope after this week everything goes back to normal, it is the end of the month."

Doyoung amens to this hoping to catch a break as well but nevertheless smiles to Kun tiredly. 

"I hope so too, Kun. I can't wait to go home even if I won't have much rest with Jeno. He's been throwing tantrums lately, more than usual. I think he's about to catch a cold."

"Isn't he staying over at your parents?"

Ten approaches Kun closely taking stacked papers in his own hands, and Doyoung sighs.

"He was supposed to, but my mom is having some gathering this weekend and they won't be able to look after him."

"What about Gongmyung?", Kun asks helping Ten arrange files chronologically who lets out an exaggerated huff not looking forward to work coming ahead.

"He's on vacation with his wife. I'm all alone in this world at the moment."

It might sound dramatic for his taste, but Doyoung really had no one else to turn to when his parents or his brother are not available. There is another option, but he'd rather dig out his own eyes than choose this option. Ten seems to have this hidden talent where he can sense what one thinks and braces himself enough to ask a daring question.

"What about Jaehyun?"

There it is, venom seething in his venous system at the mere mention of his ex's name. Ten shrieks immediately bending down to avoid flying stapler coming his way while Kun lurches to catch falling files off Ten's table, a string of curses streaming off his curved lips.

"What? I mean, he's Jeno's other parent."

Doyoung only sterns his gaze directed to Ten who looks at him in a manner of what could be interpreted as a surprise hadn't he known him better. 

"I would never call him to pick Jeno up, he should be more considerate and remember on his own that he has a kid and that sometimes he needs to see that kid so he won't feel neglected."

Maybe it sounds like a petty excuse but Doyoung doesn't care. He knows he's right. And he knows Ten and Kun both know he's right, or at least he thinks they know. It boils the feeling of animosity in his veins surging throughout his entire body when he even hears Jaehyun's name let alone when he thinks about his ex. 

It is safe to say that their relationship ended rather horribly. Long story short, Doyoung and Jaehyun hooked up the first year of college and through frequent hangouts with their friends, they ended up dating each other at last. Many considered their relationship as everlasting; no obstacle could threaten a bond as tight as an anchor knot, _the IT couple_ as a majority of college kids would call them. Everything seemed to go well for both of them. Until it went downhill one day.

Doyoung still didn't know about his pregnancy, and Jaehyun suddenly distanced himself often making up excuses and blaming difficulties college life brings which Doyoung wholeheartedly agreed about, however, the day he found out about Jaehyun's sexcapade with a year younger student, Kim Jungwoo was the day Doyoung decided to bury all beautiful memories with Jaehyun. 

It was obvious that their relationship had come to an end; kids on campus were drooling for new gossips. Bad news spread faster than the plague, many finding their break up scandalous. Doyoung never understood all the hype over his relationship with Jaehyun, but he dared not to waste any precious time on what people talked about behind his back. He was too focused to finish college and pray to never see Jaehyun's face again.

Jaehyun tried multiple times reaching to him in any way he could find. Messages, phone calls, even asking Taeyong who happens to be Doyoung's best friend and nemesis ( _let's say Jaehyun's car paid the highest price thanks to Taeyong's ability to annihilate the vehicle completely_ ), but no method could help him get to his ex.

Doyoung decided for life to cross Jaehyun's name on the paper, on his phone, and in his heart.

Fate, however, never worked in Doyoung's favor. He ends up being bonded to Jaehyun for life, a bond in form and shape of little Jaehyun's replica. Unexpectedly came into the world, but Doyoung wouldn't trade his current life with anyone in this world. From misfortune, he gained hope and the ability to love, although a different kind of love, still love. Love for his baby.

He wished, however, Jaehyun wasn't the father and he even considered not telling him. But the stupid voice of reason known as Johnny Suh, Taeyong's boyfriend, had to enter his apartment when everyone except Jaehyun found out he's pregnant and knock some sense into him. 

' _You'll regret it, Doyoung. Eventually, Jaehyun will find out. Imagine just if one of us spills it on by accident that you have his baby, or imagine your child growing up without knowing who his father is...what if the child eventually finds out that you've prevented them from knowing who their father is? What would you say then? It's for your own good? I know you're mad at Jaehyun but your child plays no role in your break up. It isn't even born yet and I think it would be very unfair for you to decide whether Jaehyun needs to know or not. Remember, your child needs two parents. And you and I both know Jaehyun will not disappear. You know well damn he owns up to responsibilities despite things that happened between the two of you._ '

Jaehyun did try his hardest to be with Jeno as much as his work allowed him to do. He is co-founding a life insurance company along with Johnny and the nature of his position calls him on responsibilities higher than Doyoung could imagine. He travels a lot, he's rarely home, and he's usually residing at his parents' home ever since his father has died leaving his mother alone given Jaehyun's siblings are living in the States.

Sometimes reminding himself of Jaehyun's situation helps Doyoung calm never-stopping torrents of anger, but the ache of being betrayed still lingers. And Doyoung's afraid to admit himself why is it still there.

* * *

"I think you should still call him, you know. He barely sees his son, and don't blame him for forgetting. His father died a year ago, and his mother suffers from dementia. I am not saying this to guilt-trip you, but I think you're being too harsh here."

Taeyong has come to visit him and Jeno after Doyoung came back from work, later his parents' home to pick his child up. While driving, Taeyong called to check on them eventually deciding to pay them a visit leading to Doyoung's rant about Ten's question and a general ruckus in the office. While bouncing Jeno on his lap, Taeyong sighs saying exactly the same thing Ten said - and Doyoung is not fond of it.

"I'm not going to call him, Taeyong. He didn't call for two weeks to at least ask how's the kid. He needs to make some room in his hectic schedule for his own son, and not be reminded that he in fact has a son who sometimes needs his attention."

Call him hard-headed but he's having none of the excuses, and he doesn't care if his pettiness subtly squirms to the surface, let him be. Having a child with a man who's beaten sheets with another man is hard enough, especially when you desperately try to get over that man. 

Thankfully, Pororo's song was blasting through the headset having Jeno's full attention and focus on animation in vivid colors playing as Taeyong gently adjusts a toddler to sit on his other knee.

"I don't know, Doyoung. It's up to you, of course. But please don't let your pride separate your son from his father. Anyway, I think I should get going. Johnny mentioned something about Yuta landing soon. He said Sicheng and him are expecting Shotaro's baby sister. It's been a long time, he asked about whether you'll come this Saturday at dinner?"

Doyoung's lips lifted upward forming a small smile of fondness remembering their dearest friend and his first days in Seoul. He barely spoke Korean, but that barely stopped him from wanting to learn so he could fulfill his dream and dance at a prestigious contemporary dance academy ending up successfully graduating and meeting his now-husband, Yuta who happened to be a good friend with Sicheng's roommate. 

They desperately wanted to get to know each other as Doyoung likes to recall memories of staying up all night to help Sicheng improve his Korean. He did not believe the two of them would tie the knot, but surprises come in all shapes and sizes and this one was least expected. 

Nevertheless, all his friends including Doyoung were so happy for them. He remembers as well Sicheng's sour expression upon learning about his and Jaehyun's break up and the main reason for it.

Yuta had to physically drag Sicheng out of Johnny's apartment who couldn't just leave Jaehyun alone despite disapproving of his deeds. Everyone seemed to turn against Jaehyun and maybe somewhere deep inside of his rotten heart Doyoung happily enjoyed it, but eventually, everyone has come to the conclusion that holding on past won't change it in general, so they all dropped the walls and started communicating with Jaehyun. Not quite unhappy but still petty about it - because Doyoung couldn't drop the past. He couldn't stop clinging to.

A sudden movement against his leg interrupts the stream of thoughts when Doyoung feels small hands tugging on his sweatpants, Jeno looking up with doe eyes observing his appa in amusement. Taeyong was long gone already.

"Appa, why you not hear?", he squeals out after being suddenly picked up by Doyoung who fondly kisses his chubby cheek and answers in an equally pitched voice.

"Appa spaced out, Jeno. You know when you look at something but you are actually thinking?"

"Like, dreaming?"

Doyoung's smile reaches his eyes looking at his cute toddler in pure adoration and love.

"Yes, like dreaming...but awake. Now, what would you like to eat, hm?"

Jeno averts his eyes to the ceiling, looking as if trying hard to think of all meals he'd be happy to eat now. Doyoung's already prepared to decline whatever-

"A dino nuggets, appa. Please?"

Yeah, this will be a hard task. He was so ready to prepare something healthier, but Jeno's puppy eyes make him almost plop on his knees and he knows he's just too weak for his son. 

"Okay, but....we need to eat some veggies as well. I'll make dino nuggets but you will need to eat some carrots and beans with it, okay?"

Not quite happy, Jeno fudges in Doyoung's hands all ready to complain but Doyoung beats him to it.

"No, no. No complaints. We cannot eat only nuggets, we need to eat some veggies as well. You need to grow stronger and bigger, right?"

Jeno cutely bobs his head clearly thinking of what could he say next and Doyoung internally coos at his little toddler who concludes, "Like daddy?"

It's the sparkle in those little brown eyes that rip his own heart apart. Despite not spending much time with Jaehyun, he will pay him credits because Jeno is absolutely in love with his daddy. And he believes Jaehyun does about everything that makes Jeno happy, even things Doyoung would possibly ponder over first like, buying ice cream, candies, and toys. It hurts, it's been two weeks since his son had seen his father. And he can tell the boy is thinking about the next time he'll see him.

"Yes, like daddy.", whispers Doyoung back, not wanting to trigger his son and end up answering questions he himself doesn't know the answers to.

  
After dinner, they've bundled up in a warm blanket with Jeno's head nestled between small plush and Doyoung's chest as they watch in peace Jeno's favorite cartoon, Doyoung already feeling the heaviness of his eyes when a sound goes off on his phone indicating he's received a new message.

Quickly reaching for a device with a flashing screen, he unlocks the phone and clicks on a new message received.

> **Jaehyun(9:05PM):**
> 
> _'Doyoung, I am so sorry. These past two weeks were hectic and I couldn't call earlier to check on him or come over to see him. I'd be happy to see him this weekend.'_

  
Doyoung quickly texts back.

_'Sicheng and Yuta have arrived. Will you go to dinner?'_

Not a second after, a new message pops up.

>   
>  **Jaehyun(9:07PM):**
> 
> _'I will try to come, I'll need to ask my aunt to look over mom. Doyoung, I am really sorry. It's not that I don't want to be with Jeno, I really had a hectic schedule these two weeks, but there was no day that I didn't think about him.'_

  
Doyoung didn't want to cry. He did silently cry, however, his bottom lip is already quivering seeing past his phone their baby sleeping calmly on top of his chest. Why is it so hard for him to contain his emotions?

  
_'Okay, I'll be going on Saturday to theirs. If you can't pick him up, text on time. I don't want him to experience disappointment.'_

  
Pressing a ' _send_ ' button, Doyoung locks the phone before putting it back on a coffee table, embracing firmly his baby to push Jeno's little raven locks against the tip of his nose; sweet baby powder and vanilla shampoo. He knows his words were harsh, but he couldn't bring himself to care more about words than his son.

Doyoung might be cursed for having to bond for life with a man who hurt him, but the bond itself will never be a curse. It is the biggest blessing, and biggest salvation and even if it hurts to have Jaehyun present in his life, he'd endure all the pain as long as a little being sleeping on him is a part of his life.

Love for his baby is stronger than any pain, and pain will hurt but he will endure it.

_Everything for Jeno._


	2. II.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What the hell? It took me one month to update!!! 
> 
> I'm so sorry, I'll try to be as active as possible. Here's the second chap, you'll get the hint here and there. Another chap will be updated either tomorrow or the day after.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy until the next update :)))

As Jaehyun wakes his mind swims with a departing dream; he sighs, reluctant to banish it and begin his day. The light of late morning shines into his slowly-opening eyes and he brings his hands to guard them. Everything about him feels heavy from his arms to his feet. He lets his head lolling from one side to the other, eyes closing one more time as he enjoys the brief darkness. 

There is no option to sleep on, no chance to rest and conjure his dream anew.

Today is the day he needs to pick Jeno up and face his ex - _Doyoung_. It is never an easy encounter. Doyoung is cold, distanced, and resentful. Jaehyun cannot blame anyone but himself. Years of love and devotion destroyed because of one careless night; too many drinks got him to do risky business. How to explain to him what kind of mindset formed in his mind back then? What was going through his mind and how could he cope with it by telling him _the truth_?

Nothing could be excused in Doyoung's opinion, and sadly Jaehyun couldn't find any way to settle things between them to at least become friends again. He wanted to explain his reasons, not because he wants to justify the wrong he did but because he feels that he owes him an explanation especially given they have a baby together.

They have a child. A small boy Jaehyun fell in love the moment he saw him wrapped in a soft baby blue blanket, yet to adjust his little eyes, pouty lips, and his nose in a new environment. Forbidden were discussions about what happened between the two of them.

Johnny learning about his sexcapade lectured him to early hours but nothing mattered when a loved one is completely out of his reach. It was understandable that their relationship ended pretty quickly as he confessed to Doyoung about the misdeed and damage done. Tears Doyoung spilled have cut deep into the archive of his memories, inevitable pain surging through his poundering heart; a heart that died the night their relationship came to an end. Later, his heart has found that steady rhythm back when Jeno came into the picture but Jaehyun will never stop grieving over broken dreams he was the culprit of, and he will probably never forgive himself for that.

Jeno turned three when Jaehyun's father died. It was sudden, shocking, and devastating. Jaehyun mourned for a while but done his utmost best not to break apart in front of him mother. A mom he needed to take care of. 

Dementia could never be interpreted as a typical memory loss. It affects him more than the loss of his father.

His mother couldn't recall some words, or how to read. She was scared of people who loved her, she was scared of her own son; unable to deal with the intensity of his emotions. Sometimes she felt completely lost. No single place where she felt like belonging. Like being at home, even in her own home. Not a voice to cradle her mind in familiar sounds, or a set of warm hands she would let hold her own.

And it hurts Jaehyun much he could feel physical pain throughout his entire body as if erupting to the surface burning every single part of his body in unbearable flames. Nevertheless, he was determined to take care of his mother, to be as much as he can present in Jeno's life and to lead the company along with his long-time friend because hope never died in him. Hope for better tomorrow, for happiness (not that he isn't happy; having a job you run on your own and having a kid he'd give his life for) - for tranquility at last.

Maybe, then maybe - he could think of the possibility to somehow get Doyoung back in his life. Because it wasn't foreign to anyone he knew and to himself how much in fact Jaehyun loves him, and how his love never stopped growing for the latter despite the circumstances.

Although being Doyoung's best friend, Taeyong - Johnny's husband, tried on a couple of occasions to set them up an appointment where they could at least talk out their issues; address the giant elephant in the room as said. But, with Doyoung's hard-headed persona it always ends up being an unsuccessful mission. They simply wouldn't talk about anything non-related to their child. 

Train of thoughts got interrupted by the buzz of his phone going off. Jaehyun picked it from the bedside table and answered the call.

"Hey, morning. Did I wake you up?"

A chirpy yet calm voice whispers through the speaker making Jaehyun sigh in relief. It was his aunt. He'd been fearing since last night when Doyoung's last message tinged on his phone that his aunt won't have a free time to take come and take care of his mother given Jaehyun had no time to find her a new caretaker as the previous moved away, but luckily Jaehyun could count on his aunt from time to time when he needed to work in the office.

He quickly got up while holding his phone tightly pressed to his ear. 

"Yeah, I'm up aunt. I'm so sorry to ask you to watch over mom, and I wouldn't bother you, but today-"

"I know, love. I know. You want to spend some time with your baby boy, and to take a breather. I'm just calling to let you know that your uncle will pick her up in the next 20 minutes."

"Thanks, aunt. I really appreciated it. I don't know how should I manage all of this without having you and uncle by-"

"Do not worry, love. I'm sure you are having a difficult time right now. My brother was taken away all of a sudden and your mom...she's not herself anymore. I'm just, I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this, Jaehyunie. Remember, uncle and I are here, and so are your cousins, okay? We love you as much as we love our own kids, okay?"

Jaehyun had always managed to pull himself to standing, and he will always be able to do so. Yet, tears come rubbing off the edges of his slightly red-rimmed eyes; he is longing from time to time for a hand to reach down. It's good in his opinion to be able to climb and hear the echo of his own feet. Given all the life circumstances he's gone through, Jaehyun was a firm and proud person, but sometimes...maybe, sometimes it could perhaps transform into something brighter, all the faster to cope with in the company of people he's surrounded by. His family and friends.

Not wanting to indulge himself in self-pity ( _and he honest to God hates it_ ), Jaehyun shakes his head a rustled hair bobbing up and down slightly before talking into the speaker.

"Thank you, aunt. Make sure to tell Yeri I want her in my company as soon as she graduates."

Her light-hearted laugh lifts the mood up as quickly making Jaehyun think if it's scientifically possible to change the atmosphere so fast, all brighter around you in flamboyant colors. He bids goodbye to her before going to the bathroom for a morning routine and dressing in a plain black t-shirt, heavy denim, jet-black jeans, and dark green flannel.

He looked forward to seeing his friends today, especially Yuta since the two have had too many long-lasting conversations and Yuta's ability to calm the waters given how much time it took for both Taeyong and Sicheng to start speaking to him again could never be repaid enough because it was hard to get back on their right side. Jaehyun could still sense a bit of resentment in Sicheng's voice when speaking to him, but he was grateful for being able to speak with them at all. He should be appreciating it more.

Learning about their new arrival, Jaehyun made sure to order the finest designed cradle; a forest green slat crib not too solid but not too soft. Eco-friendly and non-threatening to the baby's health. Yes, Jaehyun cared that much for his friends' children as well. He wanted to be a good uncle at least, and he'd prove it as many times as needed if he couldn't be considered...a loyal partner. But Jaehyun's never the one to give up completely. Once there's enough room for any improvement in a relationship between Doyoung and himself, he'll make damn sure to use that opportunity and do about anything and everything to have him back in his life completely. As a friend or a lover, not relevant at this point but back as a person that is active in his life.

Jaehyun will persist somehow. He knows he will.

...

"Doyoung-ah, is everything ready? Does this match to you?"

Not to be rude, but Doyoung could literally roll his eyes to the back of his head and have the eyeballs never turn back to their original position because of Taeyong's been pissing him off the entire morning. They've agreed to prepare a welcome party in Johnny's and Taeyong's house because Yuta's and Sicheng's was in not so great condition, hence they haven't opposed to the idea of having dinner in the Suh residence; besides, there was plenty of room in the garden for both Jeno and Shotaro to run and play around, but Taeyong's sickly-meticulous ass bothered over white chrysanthemums not matching with the orange ones.

"Good God, Taeyong. It's a freaking dinner. We ain't preparing ballroom for the wedding ceremony. Why the hell did you bring chrysanthemums to table? They're huge and any food can barely fit because of these huge-ass vases-"

"These huge-ass vases are actually antique pots Johnny bought me in Marrakech. Please do not insult the finest art you'd seen in your life. Now, do they match or should I perhaps put lilacs? They seem to be smaller and maybe more convenient, don't you think?"

Doyoung could only roll his eyes further, but the setting of the table got his attention. His supposed place was right in front of Jaehyun's as the cards with names indicate. He looks back to Taeyong who calmly arranges flowers.

"Um, Taeyong. Why the fuck am I sitting across Jaehyun?"

Taeyong only looks up to him not even the slightest bothered before speaking.

"Because I'm sitting across Johnny and Sicheng needs to sit on the left side which has more room for him, Yuta will rather burn us all alive than have look at anyone else except his husband."

Doyoung knew the answer was the biggest b-shit. They could've arranged to set off who's going to sit where without Doyoung having to look at Jaehyun at all and it makes sudden anger boil in him.

"We're switching then. I don't give a damn, Taeyong. I won't sit across Jaehyun, and that's my final word."

Sighing heavily, Taeyong whines and halts with the table arrangement.

"Please, Doyoung. Please don't be difficult. Please, just not today. What is wrong with Jaehyun sitting across from you? It's not like he will force you to talk to him, like he'd ever do that."

"I don't care, Taeyong-ah. I don't want to look at him at all."

The arguing had dull exhaustion to it, like both had been over the same topic too many times before which they were. And Doyoung couldn't and wouldn't want to understand Taeyong's sudden understanding for Jaehyun. Why was he justifying his existence in Doyoung's life when he wouldn't be existing by now in his life if it wasn't for a child they have? Doyoung is bitter, because his friends are talking to Jaehyun again. Call him toxic, call him unreasonable and petty - Doyoung doesn't want to understand, because understanding means letting go of all the toxic feelings he's harboring in his heart; the pain and the ache will lose their value. As if damage wasn't done, as if cheating on your lover is not a big turning point in your life. It scares him, because deep down inside he knows it is not healthy to feed on your own misfortune, playing the victim card and making sure to guilt-trip the other side.

It almost sounds like Doyoung grew a rattlesnake in his heart, waiting for the perfect opportunity to sink the fangs and spread poison inside of its prey. Doyoung loaths how much Jaehyun affects him even today.

"Please, Doyoung-ah. Please, just for today, tonight. For Sicheng, okay? Look, if you want to I'll put chrysantemums here in front of you, and I'll combine them with lilac and you'll barely see Jaehyun, okay?"

To this, Doyoung lets out a loud snort thinking of it as the dumbest idea Taeyong could come up with. It's stupid, and it'll be obvious. But why should he worry about it? And why does he let himself get all worked up about it? He doesn't need to show his friends that there's still that impact, that ugly, unwanted impact his ex has; he doesn't want the walls he built up high desperately come down completely because giving a chance means forgetting.

And Doyoung doesn't want to forget.

"I don't care, do whatever you want to. It's not like I have much choice and friends to be on my side."

"Now you're being completely unfair to me. I'm not on anyone's side, Doyoung. I swear to God. I'm your best friend, and you're mine. But this is getting ridiculous. Your letting your worst crawl to surface, and you're not malicious. You never have been nor have learned to be. Please, just let this dinner go in peace and he'll be gone with Jeno before you even blink. Just, bear it tonight. Okay?"

Bear it tonight, bear it for the rest of your life was hanging off the tip of Doyoung's tongue but he chose to keep it shut. 

They resumed arranging the table before Johnny came with Jeno hanging off his one arm looking like a little capuchin all smiley and bright. He looks at his son, sadness overwhelming him. He almost forgot that his son will be at this dinner and that the last thing he needs to see and hear is Doyoung arguing with Jaehyun. He doesn't want to be the reason his little smile turns into a pout later. He doesn't want his son to cry, it happened once when his both dads argued and Doyoung will be damned if he lets it happen again. He'll endure it for his son, he'll sacrify himself over and over whenever in the presence of Jaehyun for Jeno's sake.

"We're here, guys. My little assistant here and I are finished with racing. We beat everyone in the race, right racer Jeno?"

Jeno's smile widens looking at two men before him with puffed chest and proud look before answering.

"That is right, uncle Johnny."

Both Taeyong and Doyoung coo at toddler's cuteness. Yeah, he'll endure it tonight. 

"I'll go now and open the gates. I spoke with Yuta already and it seems that they're already on their way which means they'll be here..", Johnny stops to take a look at the watch on his wrist. 

"They'll be here within an hour."

"Oh my God, an hour. Okay, I'll need to check other glasses, these ain't fitting for wine. Sicheng needs a glass for the homemade apple juice I've prepared for him. Gosh, I need to go to the dining room, there must be somewhere that set we got for the wedding." Taeyong blabbered in hurry passing by puzzled Johnny and even more confused Jeno. Doyoung only chuckles at his friend's panicked behavior meeting the eyes of Johnny who looks at him reluctantly clearly contemplating whether to ask a question or not.

"Yes, Johnny ask me."

"I know the setting of how we sit is not ideal, but I'm kind of glad you'll be sitting across him."

Doyoung only flashes anger with his eyes at Johnny's words. What in the hell is he on? 

"I know it doesn't make sense I'm telling you this because obviously...you ain't together..for obvious reasons.." Johnny halts for a moment looking down to Jeno who is now occupied with little toys scattered all over the grass, clearly trying to word his opinion carefully to make sure it's appropriate in the presence of toddler. 

"He never stopped loving you, Doyoung."

"Johnny, please.", Doyoung begs and shakes slightly. He's not ready for this, and he's definitely not ready to appear vulnerable as ever in front of his kid, to upcoming pair, and lastly, Jaehyun. He doesn't want any emotions involved besides happiness due to seeing his friends after a long time.

"I know. I know it's hard, Doyoung. I know and I can't say I understand, and no offense - I'd never want to be in your shoes or Jaehyun's. I feel like I'd be broken to the point of never getting up. But you're both so damn strong, and you're so damn hard-headed. So is he. It's not my place to tell you anything about what happened that night, it's his to tell you why he did what he did. It's not an excuse. But it might give you a new perspective on why things have gone the way they've gone. I'm sad because you're my friend as much as Jae is. Don't think I am picking his side just because I've known him longer than you and because he's my friend just like you're Taeyong's."

There is heavy tension building up in the air. Doyoung doesn't like the tension. So, he avoids Johnny's eyes crouching down by his son.

"Baby, Shotaro will be here soon. Remember Shotaro when we went to uncle Sicheng and Yuta last year on a picnic?"

Jeno's eyes shine brighter than before. He nods merrily.

"Yes! We ate delicious food uncle Sicheng prepared for us. And, and...daddy was there as well!"

Yes, Jaehyun was there. Doyoung remembers. He also remembers a fatal fight that resulted in Jeno wailing all day about his dads fighting one another, adding more trouble when Shotaro started to cry as well.

Doyoung couldn't hide the shame and guilt, and he apologized to both Yuta and Sicheng multiple times, Jaehyun following with a string of his own apologies. He had sworn since that day to never verbally fight with Jaehyun in front of Jeno. And he hopes there won't be any reason or he won't be triggered to fight tonight with him.

Jaehyun was a great father, that credit won't be taken off. However, he's bad at giving up when brawl surfaces. And so is Doyoung.

He looks back to Johnny who smiles sadly at him.

"Please think about talking to him, Doyoung. It was never meant to happen, trust me."

Mimicking Johnny's smile, his eyes avert to Taeyong waving from the back porch as if signalizing their friends' arrival. He sighs and picks up Jeno from the ground standing firm before Johnny. 

"My wound is still open. I'm not ready, Johnny."

He sees very pregnant Sicheng with little Shotaro by his side and Yuta behind them, a happy family smiling biggest smiles - Doyoung's happiness resurfaces along with something he desperately wants to deny. Envy. Because he didn't get to have the happily ever after himself. 

"Hey you, where's the hug?", Sicheng shouts and just when Doyoung is about to rush to his friend with a light chuckle, he sees a familiar mop of dark brown hair slightly slicked back with a few strands mischievously hanging on each side of high forehead. Warm brown eyes, sharp jaw, high nose, and curvy lips. His heart skips, but it also aches. 

"Daddy!", Jeno's voice calls him out of a trance, and he lets Jeno out of his grip to run to his father who wears the biggest smile immediately picking him up and twirling him around. 

Yeah, Doyoung has to endure it. Because the bubbling feeling inside feels nice for once. And he _hates_ that.

He hates how his feelings for Jaehyun never ceased to exist.

  
"So, will you just stand there or hug this heavily pregnant creature in front of you?"


	3. III.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, my updating game is getting better!!!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, and God help me I don't abandon this work and get entangled in the mess of 'ideas' I have in my head so it doesn't end up being completely...disconnected to the plot itself.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!!! <3<3<3

Sicheng's smile could be described in one word: contagious. One could never stand apathetic to that small curve of his subtle lips lifting upward and so Doyoung's own smile appears in a genuine manner, real and warm. 

"You're absolutely beautiful, Sicheng. You look absolutely stunning, pregnancy really looks good on you."

And Doyoung is not lying. His friends looked as if gold and pearls were left in his imprinted footsteps. It is as clear as baby-blue sky covering their heads how happy the man was; complete and loved. Being in love and loving every moment of it.

So, why does his heart leave him breathless on every aching pang banging against his ribcage?

Heartache - the sun doesn't shine, birdsong passes as if the melody can't glide through the air as it once did before. His eyes carefully shift to the last person approaching in the lane. A familiar browns looking back, wind-stirred waves hitting the shores of intensity as if testing its limits. If Doyoung was brave enough to enter their depths, the world surrounding him would blur and he'd find himself falling into the abyss. No ending depth of blackness.

He breaks the contact with a smile, although weak reappearing on his features as Yuta approaches him slowly.

"Good to see you, Doyoung-ah. I am happy we're gathered here as in old days."

Old days. Without unnecessary tension and inconvenience. He misses those old days.

"Good to see you too. Where's the little Nakamoto?", as soon as he asks, a little boy runs in their direction all smiley and bubbly, and Doyoung's heart melts at the sight. He reminds him of his Jeno. Those little crinkles, the whiskers, and eye-smile to die for. A little toddler halt in his tracks looking at his fathers' hands he clings to immediately.

"Good afternoon.", the little voice utters shyly making Doyoung coo out loud while crouching down to caress little chubby cheeks carefully.

"Good afternoon, love. You grew up since the last year. You are the same height as Jeno."

At the mention of his name, Jeno runs to his papa and greets shyly Shotaro who replies with a little giggle and chubby hand in a waving manner. The image itself is too adorable and Doyoung for a moment forgets the presence of the person he's been dreading to meet today. Of course, his bubble bursts the moment his eyes catch in the corner Jaehyun's figure cautiously approaching closer.

"So, how about we sit down, hm? I've prepared stuffed turkey and some side dishes. Johnny, please help me serve the food?"

As if on cue, Johnny appears behind his husband gently placing hands on his waist and kissing ever so slightly ash-blonde bangs before whispering back, "as you wish, your majesty.", in a playful manner.

Taeyong just rolls his eyes playfully, a spark of happiness and love shining vividly in the black orbs and they disappear into the house for a moment.

Four adults and two toddlers find their places at the spacious table, Jaehyun's shoulders visibly tense when he realizes he's sitting right across from his ex-boyfriend. Doyoung notices his skepticism but decides to completely ignore his presence looking at Jeno sitting right by his side. His eyes travel back to Sicheng who scoffs at the tightness in the middle of the sitting process assisted by his husband. 

"Damn, you ain't going to make me pregnant again. This is the last time, I swear.", Sicheng whines finally being able to sit properly. Yuta only chuckles lightly before sitting across his husband, taking his hand immediately in a gentle grasp.

Doyoung's not jealous. Not at all. But his eyes avert to Jaehyun's hands placed politely on a tablecloth, veiny and muscular as ever. He'd be a hypocrite to say he's never thought about his ex-lover's hands after their harsh break-up. Memories roam through his mind, a fuzzy feeling on recalling how warm they felt against his usually cold ones. How secure and protected he felt in his arms. How much a gentle touch or grasp could make him go absolutely insane, lip-biting feeling. Absolutely surrendering the warmth and protection provided. 

No, he's not here to recall the bittersweet memories. He's here to respect his friends' wish so Doyoung forces his mind to get a grasp and let go of odd senses. Johnny and Taeyong finally appear with trays of food, Johnny being bigger holds a turkey before placing it in the middle reachable to everyone at the table. 

"I hope you'll enjoy it. I really tried my best. Johnny said it tastes almost as if his mother's, but I ain't counting on his vote. He loves me too much so his feedback isn't much valid.", says Taeyong teasingly accompanied by Johnny's little ' _hey, that's not fair_ ' in the background making all present ones giggle at the act when Yuta decides to ask Jaehyun on his whereabouts.

"So, Jaehyun. How's the job these days? Johnny told me you're having a bit of difficulty juggling between work and other stuff?"

It's not as if he's been willing to intervene and participate in the conversation. But it must have been obvious to everyone, including Doyoung how hesitant he is to speak as if not wanting to cause any further discomfort. It isn't foreign to their friends that Doyoung and Jaehyun, when their opinions collide, threaten to start a heated discussion, but they couldn't ignore his presence. It would appear as if his presence isn't important in the slightest. So, with a heavy sigh Jaehyun responds a bit forcefully but out of respect.

"Everything's okay. It's manageable. I can handle it. Mom's being taken care of by my aunt when I'm unavailable. Other than that, when I'm working from home, I make sure to keep her on sight. I'm trying to look for another care keeper but it's a bit difficult to find someone who qualifies for a job nowadays."

Everyone looks at him picking carefully at his food, his eyes fixed on the variety of food on his plate. Sicheng, being pressed about the whole situation still, asks further.

"How about Jeno? Do you have time to take care of him?"

It wasn't meant to sound mean, but you could not not sense a jab to Jaehyun's mild neglect of his child. Doyoung stiffens by Jeno who looks confused as ever at the mention of his name.

Yuta immediately jumps in trying to scatter newly-forming tension at the table.

"I'm sure he spends time with Jeno. Sicheng-ah, please..", softly as ever, Yuta pleads his husband to not intervene in something they have no right to mingle. Sicheng frustratingly sighs before speaking.

"I'm sorry, I must be a bit sensitive due to pregnancy. If it sounded rude, I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to sound as if I'm..accusing you or something."

Doyoung truly appreciates Sicheng's loyalty to their friendship but right now, he would much like to retort and tell him to stop because he knows where this will lead. He knows that eventually Jaehyun and he will reach the point where they'll find one another on the crossroad to complete catastrophe.

Jaehyun on the other side gulps a forming lump in his throat. He knows he's not giving much attention to Jeno as he should have. And he's aware that he should be more dedicated to his role, and God knows he didn't want to make up any excuses. It's just so hard, life's been hard lately for him that sometimes he can't help but think as if being punished for the damage done.

"I'm trying my best to be there for him. I'll try my best even further. I was thinking of working permanently from home.", to which Johnny gasps in shock. He wasn't familiar with this decision.

"You haven't told me about that, Jaehyun-ah."

Guilt gnaws at his guts, but he manages to force a small smile before responding.

"I'm sorry, Johnny. It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately."

"But, that means you'll have to give your sharings, and-"

"I'm not worried and I have no doubt in your capabilities."

Johnny's face is stuck in an incredulous expression. This meant one thing. Jaehyun is going to give up on his title, hand over his sharings, and disappear from the top of the corporation.

Doyoung looked as appalled as the rest of the persons present at the table. Jaehyun, known to give all his devotion to a job he loved more than sleeping, is giving up on it. Oh, how the tables have turned. And how furious Doyoung feels inside. Incomes are not debatable, as he's sure Jaehyun will carry on with the private business his family cared for decades. But to give up on a company he poured blood, sweat, and tears into is completely out of his character. It simply doesn't fit well to pass on sharings his son could one day inherit. 

No, Doyoung was not crafted for a gold-digger type; he simply wanted his child to have a bright future. And passing on what rightfully should belong to Jaehyun's heir, their son is completely reckless.

"What about Jeno, Jaehyun-ah?"

It's the first time Doyoung addressed the latter, two pairs looking at them skeptically, Taeyong immediately standing up to lead Jeno and Shotaro to an inflatable castle where all toys are placed for kids to play with.

Meanwhile, five adults are left with the question hanging over Jaehyun's head.

"I thought about him as well, Doyoung-ah. So, sharings that are currently affecting the work progress will be transferred to Johnny but a few are left for Jeno to inherit-"

"My point is that you're not thinking here. Even if half of it, you're giving to your friend something Jeno has complete right to inherit tomorrow when he's an adult. Why aren't you thinking about his future?"

Yuta, Johnny, and Sicheng remain silent watching worriedly at the scene displaying before their eyes. It was too good to be true, but Jaehyun could have picked a better place and time to drop the bomb, which is quite agreeable amongst the three of them.

Jaehyun inhales as much air as his lungs can take in, exhaling every single ounce burdening back through his mouth. Frustration is slowly rising up, and he's giving his utmost best to not give in the fury duel Doyoung tries to induce here, he's trying is so damn hard because he doesn't want to fight with his ex-lover. He despises their fights, and how problematic their relationship is in the circle of their friends. 

"I'm trying to be a better father and better son.", whispers Jaehyun almost inaudible. He looks in direction of where Taeyong chases kids, eyes purposely lingering on his toddler running happily around, carefree and oblivious to reality. Jaehyun doesn't want to have a relationship he had with his late father. Sure, he knew he was completely loved and appreciated, but so was neglected in many aspects.

Where fathers of his peers back in the middle school attended games and competitions, Jaehyun's dad was somewhere up in the sky between countries; flying to the next appointment much important to further family business development than his own son's game. Where fathers played soccer, basketball, baseball, and football with their sons, his father was constantly absent for a few weeks before coming home, and even then he's too tired to play with him. To take him to a basketball game, to take him on a trip and spend some time with him alone.

He lacked in many aspects despite his love and devotion to his family. While Jaehyun acknowledged his father's efforts to make sure the family was doing well, he couldn't help but blame him for nights where he'd come downstairs to see his mother in solitude; sadness cradling her fragile body in the hands of its comfort, alone and longing. She was sad for years, and Jaehyun failed to take care of her. When learning one day she couldn't remember him, he started to realize how far he's gone down his father's path. 

Johnny's mouth opening and shutting like a goldfish with no sound coming out, trying hard to come up with something that could prevent the discussion from going further, but Sicheng beats him.

"I think you two should talk alone about this. I'm sorry if I'm coming off as insensitive, but let's not spoil dinner further. Kids will be back again, and I'm sure we don't want a scenario from the last year to repeat itself."

Both Doyoung and Jaehyun stiffen at Sicheng's stern voice calling them out loud when Shotaro and Jeno appear by their side again.

"Taeyong uncle told us he made a cake. Let's go inside, please!", shouts Shotaro jumping up and down by Sicheng who tiredly sighs but nevertheless smiles at his adorable son.

"We will give us a minute.", Sicheng assures two boys, eyes already fixed on Taeyong who's lips are pressed in a thin line clearly aware the tension is far from eased up. As speechless as ever, Doyoung gets up not sparing a glance at Jaehyun. Another string of sighs roll over the edges of the latter's lips, Johnny's eyes displaying comfort as he pulls him to pat his back.

"I'm so sorry, Jaehyun-ah. I think we can come up with something else to have these sharings-"

"I'm tired, Johnny. I'm tired. I feel that no matter what I do or what I'm aiming to do, I'll never be able to get rid of the 'cheater' tag on my forehead. I've tried to talk to him, to explain to him. He's not giving me a chance to even utter a word properly if it's not a fight."

Desperation clings to Jaehyun's voice, and Johnny helplessly observes his friend. The creases on his face show how hard-working but tired he is.

"I'll work for the company, I'll be a director but I'm thinking as well as running my father's business again."

"How about we find someone to participate in your behalf meetings, hm? Instead of giving your shares, which I honestly think it's the dumbest idea-"

"But, you'll have as twice to work and-"

"Listen. You're my friend, and without your help, I surely would not have been able to succeed. You created this company as much as I did, and I won't simply accept being handed over something that rightfully belongs to you, further your kid.", Johnny stops for a moment to allow Jaehyun to process the words before continuing.

"Doyoung's right. Who the hell am I to take away something you've earned and will further pass on to Jeno? You know he's not there to take advantage of you. If he was, he'd forgive you a long time ago and be with you right now."

Jaehyun stops to think of it. Of course, he didn't peg his ex for an opportunist, he knew Johnny was right. Maybe Johnny's idea isn't bad but he knows how long can that last. To find someone compatible in every aspect for the role of cooperating with a co-founder is incredibly hard but it isn't impossible or dislikable. 

All in all, Jaehyun wants to spend more time with his kid. And maybe try to build Doyoung's trust to at least become friends instead of two fathers who accidentally got a kid, one being accuser other being accused. No progress will ever take a step if they keep bickering and letting past mistakes delve into a deeper hole. He looks back at Johnny who's smile reappears. He nods slightly before entering the house.

"I need to talk to him."

Seeing their friends, his second family gathered up in the spacious living room he feels Taeyong's eyes and he knows the latter has a question hanging off his tongue's tip but he ignores everything and everyone. Except for Doyoung who has Jeno placed on his lap. 

He sits by his side, taking a hand into his own looking directly into Doyoung who's expression immediately turns flabbergasted. His eyes travel down to Jeno who's eye-smile melts him completely.

"Jeno-ya, your papa, and I need to talk. Then we'll come back and play with you, okay?"

An alarming sound goes off in Doyoung's head, clearly reluctant to accept this offer but given how everyone in the room dares to even let a mild gasp he decides to for once be docile and hear what the other needs to tell him. Hand still placed on his own reminds him how nice it feels; warmth transmitting as if indicating that everything will be alright.

And Doyoung will put aside his pettiness because it's Jeno he prioritizes in his life. He needs to think of his son, and he'll be damned if Jaehyun happens to be a more reasonable one. 

  
"Okay, let's talk."

He's not ready, but everything for Jeno. _Right?_


	4. IV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am deeply sorry. It took me over a month to update this chapter, and believe me when I say I'm completely drowning in work. I hope we'll slow down in the next few days.
> 
> Here's chapter 4, I really don't know what to tell at this point, the ruckus of a chapter - and much shorter than I've expected. I like to complicate my life, apparently. 
> 
> I'll try to be more active and update at least one time per week if nothing.

Perhaps Doyoung's heart hasn't gotten over a man standing before him now. After all, he did agree to talk to Jaehyun about whatever the latter plans on implying right now but he isn't given much time to delve deeper into thoughts hearing Jaehyun's voice.

"I have something to tell you, Doyoung. And I hope I'll be given a chance this time, so please - let me finish first."

No matter how hard he wants to protest, Doyoung can't risk this evening going further into chaos so he decides for the first time after four years to listen to his ex. And then he'll have his time to talk.

"What I did back then, it was absolutely a complete mistake. A fatal one that caused me to lose you, and to regret it with every fiber of my being standing before you right now. I never got the opportunity to sincerely apologize for the way I hurt you."

Bound to happen - tears coming in little particles starting to form a pool of liquid beneath the lids, but Doyoung wants to come out of this conversation completely untouched. Or, he more likely wants to appear that he's over it; over Jaehyun. But he clearly isn't. Jaehyun standing across him isn't the same Jaehyun he dated. He did get a bit older, creases forming here and there on his face, but bloody hell had this man ever looked less handsome? And he knows the latter sees it in the eyes.

It was a work of God's hands, and Doyoung hated him with all his might. He hated how his heart erratically beats against his ribcage. Hates how Jaehyun's eyes never lost a bit of that intensity and sparkle that made him swoon off his feet. Doyoung hated everything about Jaehyun, but mostly he hated himself...because looking at the couples probably waiting anxiously outside right now, Doyoung saw what he always dreamed of. Love promised for eternity. Doyoung wanted that. And his focus is getting off his ex right now.

Jaehyun couldn't lose a chance to let his ex get lost in a train of thoughts, so he continued looking at Doyoung's fingers fidgeting in what can be interpreted as a nervous manner. It makes him feel warm a bit, and even if he couldn't allow the luxury to feel like he can still make Doyoung nervous, he is a human being who is looking at the man he loved and probably will never love anyone like him ever. 

"I was drunk, true. I called Jungwoo when we had a fight the night before. I was desperate, devastated. I called him only because I couldn't hide my insecurities anymore..."

This got to be the trigger given the way Doyoung frowned deeply, mouth slightly open as if intending to speak. But Jaehyun continues with heavy tiredness hanging off his lids adorning the sadness pooling in the depths of blacks looking into browns.

"I overheard your conversation with Taeyong by accident. The night I was with the guys celebrating our game win. Remember?"

Yes, Doyoung remembers. He also remembers the conversation held with Taeyong, and wonders how much did Jaehyun hear? 

He suddenly felt the need to move almost without end; if his limbs were moving the anxiety was gone, or at least he could ignore it a while. But he was stuck inside these God-damn suffocating four walls with Jaehyun. He could almost imagine what it would be if Doyoung caught Jaehyun listening to his words spoken in trust to never reach one's ears except Taeyong's; it made sense.

And his blood was boiling, just like tears burning the rims of his trembling eyes.

"You fucking slept with someone to get back to me? You fucking slept with Jungwoo because I-", stopped were his words by a strangled choke, because he believed he couldn't be a part of the treachery. Betrayal. Distrust. Jaehyun only proved he didn't trust him, even after years and words of promises. He couldn't trust Doyoung he was over Jinyoung, his ex. But what could trigger him to go behind his back and waltz into someone else's sheets? What did he say to provoke such low-point, disgusting counter back?

Was it the way he spoke about Jinyoung? God forbid, he would not imagine in a million years to do such an awful thing to Jaehyun. But the latter before him remains silent, own tears racing down pale cheeks, lower lip trapped in a tight grip help by upper teeth. What could even possibly cause damage to their relationship, because Doyoung refused to believe he loved a man petty to stoop so low. He couldn't be the one to have a bad taste in men, and Jaehyun is right now proving him wrong. Because he told Taeyong he met Jinyoung? Because Jinyoung told him he misses him, or that if things were different back then, they'd probably be together; perhaps even engaged by now?

Did he doubt Doyoung that much? No, he couldn't let the past reroute so easily. What on Earth did give Jaehyun the right to use excuses, lame ones on top of it, and justify him cheating on his boyfriend? 

"-no, you are not the victim here, Jaehyun. You lowered your own morality with this. I am done with the talk, I don't want to hear any of it anymore. Jeno's bag is in the guest room right behind the kitchen.", and his steps were loud with purpose as he made his way to the door when a desperate confession takes control of the silence slipping between them.

"You had the ring hidden in the closet, Doyoung. What was I supposed to think? You had his ring hidden in our fucking closet!"

At this point, Jaehyun couldn't care if the others heard him, because he'll be damned if Doyoung doesn't hear this. He simply needs to know. And he'll make sure the latter listens to his side of the story by force or not. He leaps in two steps to his ex, a grip on the forearm as tight as the will to get this out of his chest once and for all before he turns Doyoung to look him straight into the eyes. 

"He could give you everything I couldn't! A life I thought I couldn't. I was an addict before I met you, and I relapsed a few times within the years of our relationship. I was a mess, a fucking bastard who couldn't control himself. Jinyoung was everything I wasn't. A good man who is already writing works of his own; a fucking doctor to be in his prime sooner than any doctor in the world. God damn, he was; he is a worldwide known doctor, and he came back for you. He achieved goals one could imagine in such a short time, and he came back to fight for you. I never wanted to sleep with Jungwoo, but God damn, Jinyoung...the way you told Taeyong that your heart was beating fast when you almost kissed. I thought right then and there that no matter what I do, I'll never be able to top someone like Jinyoung, a guy who was way too successful for his age then, and a guy who loved you enough to come back and fucking propose you."

Why was it so hard to breathe, Jaehyun wondered. He choked on his words, but he refused to finish here. He needs Doyoung to hear that no excuse can make up for the damage done, and he didn't hope for forgiveness. He wanted to confess his biggest fear; losing a man to a guy who could give everything and anything Jaehyun couldn't. Eventually, he ended up losing him with his own fault. And he admits it, he fucking admits he's the one at fault here...

"I never meant to hurt you, Doyoung. I really didn't. I couldn't believe I've done such a horrible thing to you the morning I woke up by Jungwoo. I didn't want to lie to you, I didn't want to have you hear about it by someone else. I did a huge mistake I'll never be able to repay, and for that, I am as sorry as I can stand and breathe, I will always regret how things ended thanks to my stupid fault. Until the end of my life."

There was no point in hiding tears. He left all he could in front of a man he couldn't look in the eyes without feeling shame and regret overwhelming his trembling figure; all vulnerable and exposed. In his rawest form.

Doyoung's eyes lost their focus once more, and before he realized he is crying in silence and dolor. It hurts, it hurts how he wants to scream at the top of his lungs. How he wants to tell Jaehyun that no matter how insecure he was comparing to Jinyoung, he'd choose him over and over his ex any time. But his words got trapped when a sound of cry left his lips to tremble with a taste of salty tears running over them.

How could he doubt his love? Was their relationship beyond repairable back then? Jaehyun struggled, and Doyoung knew that. He was a cured drug addict before they met, and he was often tempted to go back down the path of destruction, but Doyoung did his utmost best to stand by him every single time. Their relationship wasn't perfect, with their closest friends being the only people to know about Jaehyun's past. But they managed each time to get back on the right track, they always managed. So Doyoung doesn't understand. Yes, his heart was beating fast when he saw Jinyoung. He was his first, and his long-time promising boyfriend before Jaehyun got into the picture.

But that is the point. Jaehyun wasn't in the picture back then. And seeing someone you learned with the wonders of relationship for the first time couldn't leave anyone indifferent. You had to have at least a tiny part in your heart reserved for people who were your first. And Jinyoung did have that part, but he wasn't in the picture anymore.

Jaehyun was. A man who stands before him, broken and shackled by the past. 

"I am done with this, Jaehyun. I'm tired, I want to be normal with you for Jeno's sake...but it's so fucking hard. I fucking loved you more than I could love myself. I loved you to intensity I love our child. My life got shattered when you told me you slept with another man. I couldn't bear the sight of you, I couldn't stand the smell I got used to when you were around. I couldn't look at the pictures. Do you know how much strength it took me to not do something crazy and lose a chance to experience something wonderful in the whole chaos happening around me?", his pause takes enough time to calm him before he continues. 

"I would never, ever leave you because I could have an easy life with Jinyoung. Who do you think you are to decide for me? Why couldn't you trust me, was I the one who ran off to another man when things got nasty, huh? You fucking fought me a night after, why couldn't you tell me then, huh? Why did you assume I would do something you did to me?"

That hurt more than any slap he received by Doyoung before, it hurt more than any words spoken out of spite and rage, any insults and constatations on the way he ruined their relationship letting him to throttle in regret. Yes, that is exactly what he deserved. To be called out for doing something he unintentionally or not thought would happen to him. He looks up into Doyoung's eyes, enchanted in a twisted way with the fire burning in darkening orbs. He needs to take a wheel and steer this in the right direction. For their child's sake, and for their own ones.

"You deserved better, and you still do. I am not asking for your forgiveness, I am well aware that I don't deserve it. I want us to try right now and be civilized because I hate to fight with you. I hate it so much, and I know I'm the cause of it. God, Doyoung if you could enter my brain, my mind right now, and feel how much I regret what I've done, I'd let you do it in a heartbeat. I want you to look me right now in the eyes and see, please..see how sorry I am and how I'm never going to be able to forgive myself, but please. Please, I'm begging you. Please let's fix our communication. I promise I'll never overstep boundaries. I'll follow everything you want to set on the line. I miss our son. I, I really want to be better. I'm not giving up on the company, I'll see with Johnny about other alternatives because I'm not selfish, I swear to my father. I don't want to deny our child what he rightfully owns. I might have reacted out there impulsively, but Johnny has an idea that will help us get through this change. I just want us to be civilized, and I want us to do our best so we don't let our kid suffer."

Doyoung is still reluctant. He sees the honesty and will to provide a child with everything he can. Words still sting, doubts, and new discoveries still irk the hell out of him. But he would sacrifice his body to fire for his son, and if it means speaking to Jaehyun will be better for their child, then he will manage. Barely, but will manage.

"I...I will try. And I am not saying that I'll be friendly, Jaehyun. We're not friends, we cannot be friends. But we're parents, and we can act like ones."

It is just strange how a new level of strength evolves inside of his mind, his body, his entire being. Seeing Jaehyun serious and determined for once in his life shouldn't look promising for better, he's not ready to forgive anything right now. But he - as much as he hates to admit - is glad to see how much the latter cares. And he won't be late after him, they will need to walk side by side in Jeno's upbringing. 

Doyoung sighs deeply, hand reaching forward in front of surprised Jaehyun who takes it into a firm shake immediately. It's a silent agreement, many compromises to be made, sacrifices to be done, and slow progress to achieve. 

But they are both willing, for their child, to be normal parents. 

As Doyoung takes his hand back, he heads first to the door but halts in steps looking over his shoulder at Jaehyun one more time before saying last words that night.

"Jinyoung told me to keep the ring. I refused his proposal. I kept it only because I was planning to sell it and give your father money for the debt he had to pay off."

The doors shut close slowly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter, I'll be adding new tags since this is pretty much changing perspective on the whole situation.


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